Tag Archives: kids being kids

I will always love you. I just don’t like you right now.

19 May

Let’s face it:  Kids can be annoying.  Kids can drive you right up the wall, and right down the other side.  I think they look at torturing parents as a game.  The madder mom gets, the redder her face gets, the funnier it is.  The madder dad gets, the louder he yells.  Let’s see if he can shake stuff on the walls!  I must be just a big kid because I tend the laugh when the kids are getting into trouble.  My dad was the same way.  I can’t tell you how many times he would have to turn a laugh into a cough, or leave the room because my mom was yelling at us over some stupid thing my brother and I just did.  I’d like to think it’s an inherited trait; however, maybe it’s all males who do this.  Do other dads laugh at the expense of their children?  I have sat in the kitchen waiting for the timer to go off choking with laughter at The Boy as he sits in time-out sticking his tongue out at me so many times I’ve lost count.  It’s funny!  He is our constant source of entertainment.  He comes up with the best facial expressions, the best come backs, the best creative pronunciations of words.  He’s a sarcastic little bugger too.  Most kids don’t understand sarcasm.  With my family that is completely untrue.  My kids get sarcasm.  My kids are almost as sarcastic as I am.  I find this hysterical.  I also find that they’ll probably get themselves into some sort of trouble because of their sarcastic nature.  The Boy most definitely will, and probably already has.  I know we’ve had notes home about him rolling his eyes at some comment the teacher made.  (On side note:  How appropriate is it that while writing this post, Vampire Weekend’s The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance comes on?)  Isn’t rolling one’s eyes a sign of appropriateness while being yelled at?  I know I did that with my parents when I was younger.  I also remember my butt breaking many wooden spoons…  I wonder if there is any correlation between the two.

In order to curb the kid’s crappy behavior, I’ve started a new trend.  I simply tell them the following, “You know, I will always love you.  I just really don’t like you right now.”  This seems to have the desired effect.  The kids know I’m going to punish them if they don’t knock it off.  They knock it off, and I don’t have to stop what I’m doing.  Win-win.  I have a feeling that I will be using this statement more and more as my kids get older.  Next year The Girl goes to middle school.  I don’t know how I feel about this.  With middle school comes hormones, crying, boyfriends, acne, crying, break-ups, crying, attitudes, a new school, crying, etc (did I mention crying?).  I don’t know if I’ll be able to stand it.  The Girl knows that I don’t deal with emotional stuff well.  I’ve always been the bottle up your feelings and let them burst out in a rush at the person you’re not really mad at kind of guy.  Lord, give me strength.  She might make it to 13 if she straightens up, flies right, and doesn’t annoy the crap out of me.

Have you ever laughed at your child?  Are your kids successfully sarcastic?  Leave a comment below.

The funny things we say and do

17 May

The following are just some of the funny short stories and sayings from my family:

“Do… Do I poop on the law?”  – The Boy when told that it was the law that he be completely potty trained by age 4 (yes, he’s a late bloomer).

“Damn it!  Damn it!  Damn it!”  – The Girl when she was 2 or 3 and told to put 6 or so stuffed animals onto her bed.  She instead tossed them from her room adding a “Damn it!” to each throw.

“I didn’t want an Ian.  I wanted a Court-a-knee!”  – Me, age 3, when we brought my brother home from the hospital.

“You bought WHAT!”  – Usually Mom.  Occasionally The Wife.  Never from me, or my dad, unless directed at a purchase my dad had foolishly made.

“I’ll just light one more match.  Then I’ll stop.”  – My brother, to be featured in an upcoming blog post entitled, “Playing with Fire.  Part 2”.

“Mom will never find out.”  – Either me or my brother.  She always does….

“BOYS!!!”  – Mom.  See, I told you she always finds out.

“No dad!  Not the knife!  Not the Knife!”  – See yesterdays post

“Mom, we’re play fighting.  We really do love each other!”  – Usually me, as I was beating the crap out of my brother.

“Yeah, you can make it.  No problem.”  – Usually me encouraging my brother to do something stupid.

When my brother was little, he had a terrible temper.  I swear I saw his eyes go blood red on many occasions.  On one of our ski trips, he wasn’t having a great day.  He had fallen and his boot had come off, he had been kicked off the bunny hill for being awesome, etc.  My dad was filming most of these things.  So my dad, being his oh so supportive self, decides to poke the bear.  He taunts my brother about his day, about his falls, etc all while filming my bro.  Funny thing about bears, they poke back.  I think we all almost wet ourselves when my brother grabbed his ski pole and jabbed my dad in the gut.  Watching my dad double over, then fall in the snow was hilarious.  We should have sent it into “America’s Funniest Home Videos”.  We would have won for sure.

Let’s here some of your family’s crazy stories, quotes, and/or sayings.  Leave a comment below:

In which I pull a prank at summer camp.

12 May

For 6 summers I worked at Camp-of-the-Woods in the Adirondack Mountains of New York.  I, along with many others, pulled countless pranks during the long summer months.  Mom, if you’re reading, you may want to stop doing so by the end of this paragraph.  Some were innocent, some not so innocent, all where hilarious.  Some I got caught, most I didn’t.

Working at Camp is always a trip.  You’re away from home, in a new environment, and you’re meeting new people all the time.  Some of my best friends I met while working at Camp.  We still keep in touch, sharing stories of the stupid stuff we did as kids.  We did the usual stupid stuff, like streaking, pouring cold water in the head of the dude in the shower, and sneaking out after lights out.  This is not one of those usual stupid things.  This is MONUMENTALLY stupid.

I lived in a small cinderblock room with three other guys.  We all got along well enough.  Sure we pulled pranks on each other, but they usually weren’t too bad.  There was a time when we made the smallest roommate we had sleep on the floor (which was gross, btw) because we turned his bed into a sculpture.  Then there was the time we did something that was really bad.  Once again, involving our poor smallest roommate, we first duct-taped him to his mattress.  “Big deal” you’re probably thinking.  Well, I’m not done yet.  After he was duct taped to his mattress, we duct taped his mouth.  Couldn’t have him screaming, could we?  Then we dragged him down from our hillside room to my boat at the docks.  Once we had him on the boat, we took off to the swim dock, a little floating platform at the end of the swim area.  Making sure he couldn’t get out of his sleeping bag, we un-duct taped his mouth and took off.  All of the campers were already at breakfast, and then they would head directly to chapel, so no one was around to hear him scream.  I think he was found close to lunch time.  We never did get caught, and he never told.  He was a good guy, and very smart.  The retaliation would have been awful.

Did you ever work at a summer camp?  Have you ever pulled a stupid prank?  Share your stories in the comments below.

What I believe is the first stupid thing I’ve ever done

11 May

The date is March 1983.  My mother is in labor about to pop out my brother.  I’m staying with friends nearby.  My friends just happen to be 8 and 6, 5 and 3 years older than I am.  They have an awesome room with two beds making an L shape.  They thought it would be awesome to jump from bed to bed.

The stupid part:

3 year old me thought I could join in and actually make it from bed to bed.  Sure I did make it.  A few times anyway.  Then I got stupid and jumped right after my friend had landed, compressing the bed.  I landed just as the bed rebounded, throwing me from the bed right into the corner of a metal night table.  I caught the table right in the eyebrow.

I still remember coming down their stairs and seeing nothing but red.  That’s the problem with head wounds.  They bleed.  A lot.  A. Fricken. Lot.  So for my brothers first day on earth, I joined him in the hospital after getting my eyebrow stitched together.  Once I took a good look at my little brother, I stated quite proudly, “I don’t want an Ian.  I wanted a Court-a-knee (Courtney).”  Under no circumstances did I ever want a baby brother.  I wanted a little sister.  That was the second stupid thing I had ever done.  With all the great times I’ve had with my brother, there’s no way I would have had as much fun with a little sister.  Brothers form a bond that no brother-sister relationship can touch.  Except maybe in remote parts of the Appalachians where brother-sister relationships are a completely different thing entirely.

The Cleanest Room Mom has EVER seen!

9 May

Growing up my bedroom was on the second floor of our house. It was also our play room. My brother and I had a huge collection of Lego’s, Matchbox cars, and GI Joes. We usually left my room a mess because, how were we going to find what we were playing with if we don’t leave it right where we were last playing with it? My mom (a neatnick) hated my room. She hated that we would leave everything lying around willy-nilly. We had bins for the Legos, yet they spent most of their time in huge elaborate displays of cities, towns, space stations, etc.

Now that I’ve set the background, I’ll tell you how my brother and I made this tornado touched room into a spotless beauty in less than thirty minutes. “Clean your room!!!!!” Mom yelled from the bottom of the stairs. “Fine. (sigh)” we yelled back. Quickly we picked up the piles of loose Legos scattered across the floor, leaving behind our city, space station, and shipyard, of course. So, Legos are put away, now what? “I don’t wanna clean anymore.” “We have to, mom will KILL us if it’s not done.” “Hey…. I’ve got a great idea!” I can’t remember which one of us thought it would be a great idea to toss all our toys out the window (I think it was my brother), but we did it. We tossed EVERYTHING. Cars, GI Joes, toy safe and stuffed animals, right out the window. Mom was AMAZED we got the room cleaned in just half an hour. She was sure we’d pull one of our usual stunts: “Mom, we’re play-cleaning. We’re cleaning as we play! Honest!” “We’ll do it later!”


My mom’s friend either couldn’t remember which house was ours, refused to park in our driveway, or hated my brother and me. She always drove past our house to turn around in the neighbor’s driveway to park on the street. She and my mom are talking over coffee, or something and she brings up the mess in the grass on the side of the house. She wonders if we’re having a yard sale. Mom goes BALLISTIC (see the Colander Incident for another such episode)! Of course my little bro blames the idea on me, and I of course do my best to pin it on him.

The Aftermath

Of course we cleaned up our mess, and worked twice as hard as if we had originally just picked up our stuff. I don’t know how we thought we’d get away with it. It’s not like the lawn wasn’t going to need to be mowed, or the stuff was just going to disappear, or little elves were going to pick it all up and put it away. I guess I just consider myself lucky that we weren’t killed for that one. Of course it’s lucky we are alive at all since this is one of our tamer stunts…