I will always love you. I just don’t like you right now.

19 May

Let’s face it:  Kids can be annoying.  Kids can drive you right up the wall, and right down the other side.  I think they look at torturing parents as a game.  The madder mom gets, the redder her face gets, the funnier it is.  The madder dad gets, the louder he yells.  Let’s see if he can shake stuff on the walls!  I must be just a big kid because I tend the laugh when the kids are getting into trouble.  My dad was the same way.  I can’t tell you how many times he would have to turn a laugh into a cough, or leave the room because my mom was yelling at us over some stupid thing my brother and I just did.  I’d like to think it’s an inherited trait; however, maybe it’s all males who do this.  Do other dads laugh at the expense of their children?  I have sat in the kitchen waiting for the timer to go off choking with laughter at The Boy as he sits in time-out sticking his tongue out at me so many times I’ve lost count.  It’s funny!  He is our constant source of entertainment.  He comes up with the best facial expressions, the best come backs, the best creative pronunciations of words.  He’s a sarcastic little bugger too.  Most kids don’t understand sarcasm.  With my family that is completely untrue.  My kids get sarcasm.  My kids are almost as sarcastic as I am.  I find this hysterical.  I also find that they’ll probably get themselves into some sort of trouble because of their sarcastic nature.  The Boy most definitely will, and probably already has.  I know we’ve had notes home about him rolling his eyes at some comment the teacher made.  (On side note:  How appropriate is it that while writing this post, Vampire Weekend’s The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance comes on?)  Isn’t rolling one’s eyes a sign of appropriateness while being yelled at?  I know I did that with my parents when I was younger.  I also remember my butt breaking many wooden spoons…  I wonder if there is any correlation between the two.

In order to curb the kid’s crappy behavior, I’ve started a new trend.  I simply tell them the following, “You know, I will always love you.  I just really don’t like you right now.”  This seems to have the desired effect.  The kids know I’m going to punish them if they don’t knock it off.  They knock it off, and I don’t have to stop what I’m doing.  Win-win.  I have a feeling that I will be using this statement more and more as my kids get older.  Next year The Girl goes to middle school.  I don’t know how I feel about this.  With middle school comes hormones, crying, boyfriends, acne, crying, break-ups, crying, attitudes, a new school, crying, etc (did I mention crying?).  I don’t know if I’ll be able to stand it.  The Girl knows that I don’t deal with emotional stuff well.  I’ve always been the bottle up your feelings and let them burst out in a rush at the person you’re not really mad at kind of guy.  Lord, give me strength.  She might make it to 13 if she straightens up, flies right, and doesn’t annoy the crap out of me.

Have you ever laughed at your child?  Are your kids successfully sarcastic?  Leave a comment below.

4 Responses to “I will always love you. I just don’t like you right now.”

  1. Mel Squared May 19, 2011 at 11:23 am #

    My kids… hmmm…
    with my dearest 13 year old, she has already not only mastered sarcasm, but a scathing attitude to go along with it. Fortunately, this is rarely directed at her father & me. I can’t wait to see how this morphs next year when she goes to high school.
    My 10 year old, we already have crying. And crying. And crying. Nothing new to be expected as she goes to middle school next year.
    The other two are still pretty little. Although all of Alex’s 5 year old self is pretty sassy and our Boy makes some super “I don’t want to be in time out and I hate you right now” faces!

    • #1 Crazy May 19, 2011 at 12:19 pm #

      Best of luck to you! I can’t even fathom high school at this point. I do know my (start your sarcasm meters spinning) darling daughter wants to go to the private school my Sister-in-Law teaches at. Yeah. Good luck with that one sweetheart. Be ready to bust your butt like you’ve never done before.

  2. smatteau September 19, 2013 at 12:20 pm #

    Jeff’s mom said that to him…….. I would avoid that phrase at all costs…. it’s hurtful…..you don’t dislike them you dislike their behavior. With someone literal they might not get the difference.

    • e. rumsey September 19, 2013 at 12:32 pm #

      It’s been a while since that phrase has been used (well over a year). Usually with the sarcastic one. She gets it. The boy, not so much… Good point, either way.

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